why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
