My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
