i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
