My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
