He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
