Jerry, you need to find god
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
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He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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