It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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