my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
