God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
