hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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