just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
