hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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