He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
