I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
