I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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