I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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