I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Randomize
