Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Porn is love you can see.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
