I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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