i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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