I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
