arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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