so that wasnt chicken after all
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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