I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
