shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
