Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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