We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
