She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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