I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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