So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
