one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You took a bar mat shot.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
