i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sext me about skeletons
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
