Umm I'm too high to move.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
