Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
