I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
