she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
