so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
