I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
