as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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