my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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