Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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