She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
