I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Houston, we have a blender
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
