The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
