some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
