im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
