I have demons in me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
