So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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