Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
