I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
