When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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