WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
