I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
