No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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