saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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