Im at strip club and am horny
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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