He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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