I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
