just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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