I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
