grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
