lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
