Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
