Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
