I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
