My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
