I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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