so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
