I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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