Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
