If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
