Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
