Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm bleeding and have questions
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