Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
