and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
