It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
