I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
