So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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