So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
