yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
