had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
