I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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