He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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