The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
