and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
